chaos theory

So, what do you think happened in this picture?  It is surprisingly hard to tell, isn’t it?  So for about I-don’t-know-how-long, I had balanced this large closet door on this fairly long table to make it even larger.  It turns out I never had my husband nail the door to the table.  When I cleaned off all of the miscellaneous clutter that holds the fabric of my particular universe together, and my husband places two 12 packs of pop on one end, the stage was set.  I came in and placed one more 12 pack on top of the other two in a neat pile.  Wham!  The whole thing, including expensive sewing machine, crashed to the floor.  Fortunately, nothing was broken but my nerves.  Of course, the first thing my husband says is, “Why didn’t you have me screw that thing down?  It seems pretty precarious.”  Having been married for on the verge of 20 years, I know the correct response to this is:  “You didn’t want to.You had some kind of carpenter reason not to that I don’t remember.”  However, I knew that wasn’t true.  My husband is a batten-down-the-hatches kind of guy.  He would have immediately screwed it down if I would have let him.  I’m sure that I wanted to see if I liked it first.  Then it got covered with craft stuff.  Several years go by, and then surprise!

Yes, and that means my little sewing room is nearly packed up in antipation of the party.  I had a surprising amount of craft materials stuffed in my tiny little 9×7 room.  No wonder it is always so messy.  We are planning on serving food in that room so I am cleaning it.  I know I will spend the next several months searching for my things as I return to crafting.  In that searching, many spontaneous ideas will be born.  I already have two just from packing things up.

My wonderful in-laws are coming this weekend, and then next weekend my family is coming.  My friends are helping me, too. I’m so excited and happy to see them and have their love and support. I’m so blessed!

God’s message

I don’t know if God speaks to you through your radio, but he does to me.  Now, he doesn’t tell me when the world is going to end.  He knows this would be a bad thing to do because I am usually driving when he talks to me.  If He told me when the end of the world was coming, I would definitely crash my car.  But he does give me messages through songs.  This morning I was so worried about all the things going on in my life, mostly happy things, but still stressful.  Then suddenly, I hear:

You’re so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you’ll make it!

Perfect-by Pink

Yes, I am mean when I talk to myself.  So, I laughed at myself, and moved out of my little haze of anxiety. Nice pep talk!

Anyway, I do have a picture to share as well. Here is a page from the graduation scrapbook.

So here is my baby.  I love the picture in the lower left corner.  He looks so mischievous even though he is just newborn.  I actually think he is looking around.  As a baby, he always had his eyes wide open, taking in the whole world.

graduation again

So, for the past few weeks I have done almost no sewing or crafting.  I have been busy cleaning and fixing up my much neglected house up for my son’s graduation party.  I supposed there is some creativity involved, but mostly I am imposing order on my much-loved chaos.   Also, I have had a few temper tantrums in the middle of Home Depot.

So here are some of my projects in process.  I wish I could say they are complete, but not quite.

This is my bathroom.  Yes, after much discussion we decided on a color.  This is the THIRD color we tried.  The first color was a light pink.  It was very intense. Actually, I didn’t mind it on the wall as an abstraction, but behind me as a backdrop it drove me crazy.  I know this is self-centered but seriously: I look at myself in that mirror every day.  I couldn’t look bad every day until I get the will up to repaint ( I know my lack of will).  So we took a quart of dark rose that I had and mixed it in with the pink.  We had a pink I could stand, however it was very dark and bright.  Everyone in the family was a little shocked by it, especially when confronted by it in the early morning.  Finally, I gave up on frugality and went back to buy another gallon. I used my personal colour palette  pick out a shade this time.  I had my colors done by Victoria Sazama, from the Sazama Institute of Colour, Wholeness and Balance, a couple of years back.  She assembled a color palette based on all the tones of my body and then also put together harmonizing tones.  I have very few pastel colors, which is why I don’t really respond to light colors in a space. I went through all of the light colors on the palette and found matching swatches, then Steve picked his favorite. We agreed on this color, kind of pinkish sand.  It is technically my skin tone.  This is not exactly fair to others in the household since no one has exactly the same skin color, but in the interest of time, we went forward. If I would have thought of it, the better solution would have been to consult with Victoria, since she also does interior color selection and could have a color that would flatter everyone. I would have saved time, if I would have started with her, because I wouldn’t have had to go back to Home Depot so many times or repainted the same wall three times. (sigh)

So, here is our organized garden.  Steve and I ripped out most of the raspberries and lifted the stepping-stones.  We are doing a purple and white theme which I am enjoying even though it is a little over the top.  However, considering my natural tendency toward chaos, it probably is good to limit the color scheme to a few colors.  I didn’t limit myself in the front, so I will have one multi-colored garden.  I had Steve do the design, because again, I just would put them in with no intention.  I guess that is what makes us a good pair: I work from chaos to order, he works from order to chaos. If it were easier to move flowers after I planted them, I would do my own design.  Actually, I usually do.  It ends up looking like I planted random plants in random order. However, it doesn’t look like the plant naturally sprouted there either.  Each flower is pretty enough but there is no overall design that visually makes sense.  The best way I can describe my flower designs is “awkward”. I deferred to my husband when it comes to plant placement and so far it looks great.

I will say that two things emerge from this process.  One, under all the chaos in my house, there is a really nice house.  The good news is: I will get to live there after the party until I mess it up.  Second, we are not getting a divorce.  It truly shows how strong the trampoline that is our marriage and our love is, that it can survive our craziness no matter how hard we jump on it.  (Seriously, it was a complete breakdown in Home Depot, I had to go home and take a nap.) 

Anyway, I am working on my bathroom rug, so I hopefully will have that done next week.  Even though it is not the most creative piece it is kind of interesting.

spring bounty

Steve had an exciting time mowing the lawn.  He was luckily looking where he was going, and he found four of these little fellows.  So, we went down to the parkway and we found some more.  We had a beautiful meal of pasta with morel cream sauce.  So good!  Even made better because we saw them at the Farmers Market for 11 dollars for a half pound.  We debated buying them, and now I’m glad we passed!


I have been so busy with graduation plans, I haven’t taken any photos.  So I went through my old photos that I hadn’t used for the blog and found this one.  A few months ago we drove out to Yo-yo donuts and bought these donuts.  Do you see the bacon? The whole reason we went was because of the bacon donut.  It is a maple long  john with a slice of bacon on it.  Delicious.  The other ones were great, too. 

Anyway, I have been too busy to do much work except on Eliott’s scrapbook and photos.  I have spent the last 17 years shoving photos randomly in photo albums and boxes.  Now, I am trying to impose some kind of order on the photos.  Right now, I am just shooting for chronological order.  It would seem that since I acquired the photos in chronological order, I would have put them in the book in said order.  That is how a logical person would do it.  That imaginary mother would buy an album, fill it in order, then get another and do the same and so on.  I think I bought an album, filled it, then went back and put pictures I liked over older pictures I didn’t like as much.  Maybe that’s how.  Maybe a squirrel came in and rearranged them according to the squirrel’s alphabet.  Actually, I don’t remember.  I’m having a hard enough time guessing the order of the pictures based on size of the boy, whether or not his brother was in them or what glasses I’m wearing.  It has been fun to remember all those times.


A few weeks ago, I went to my uncle’s house to help my aunt and my mom clear out the clothing for my aunt who passed away in January.  It was really difficult to be at her house without her there.  I know that she has gone on to a better place, and is peaceful.  Still, it was hard to see her absence.

He was kind to allow me to have as many things as I wanted, and what a blessing that is to me.  I have been watching my money more carefully this year with graduation, and my clothing has fallen to the bottom of the list of my purchases. 

My aunt had beautiful taste in everything, and her clothing is no different. She picked the prettiest but still tasteful and useful things.  Her whole life was like that. She always kept her house carefully clean, but it was always warm and welcoming.

It’s a blessing that her clothes would fit me, and my uncle would take the time to include me when her closet needed cleaning.  She managed to give to me again, as she did many times when she was here.  This in no way makes me unique, she was just the kind of person who was thoughtful and kind.  I was a little nervous about the whole situation, until my friend at work told me about the sweatshirts she got when her father passed unexpectedly.  Every time she wears one she feels like she is being hugged by her father.  So these last few weeks, I have been hugged every day from above.

ufo number 9

I can’t believe it but I gave ufo number 9 away!  It was denim dress that I had had for a couple years.  I loved the long line of silver buttons.  However, it always made me look dumpy.  So, since then I have had some influx of clothing.  So I let it go. 

Since next month is graduation, I will really start working on my son’s graduation scrapbook: another ufo.  I bought a book now, and I have several pages done.  I want to have it on display at his party and I am not near done.  I also have a top secret project that has a due date soon (more to come on that).


So last Monday, my eldest son and I went to see his college.  He has chosen a local community college right downtown here in Minneapolis.  I was a little disappointed he wasn’t going to my alma mater, the U of M, but since he is smarter than me, he looked at the economics of the situation and chose a community college.  He has a strong possibility of emerging out of the first two years of college with no debt.  I guess all those years of listening to his parents complaining about the student loans had some impact, too.  In any case, I went to look at the school with him.  I was so surprised at what a great school it was. It had beautiful views of the city.  They had huge amounts of technology.   Even though this is a cliche, I can describe it best as “state of the art”.

Anyway, as the representative showed us the school I became more and more excited with all the opportunities he will have.  I remember how I felt when I started college, like I could go in any direction. I feel the same way about him.  He is full of open ended potential.  All of these things washed over me, I got over excited and as I often do, a little weepy.  However, I held it together and didn’t become too embarrassing.  I just told him that I thought he had made a really good choice, and I was proud of him.  I told him he had so many choices there and I was excited for him.  Then I hugged him several times.  I can tell he was happy too.  He actually let me hug him without shrugging me off (ok, maybe I was a little embarrassing but he was very tolerant), and he smiled. Then, to celebrate, our whole family went out to Pepito’s for dinner.

Pepito’s is embedded in our family history so it was nice cap to the day.  When Steve and I  first moved into our house when I was pregnant with Eliott, our very first night that we ate dinner in this house, we sat on our little porch with take out from Pepito’s.  We watched the Flintstones on our little black and white tv.

Now, my big boy man is graduating from high school, going to college.  Time certainly flies.  This year is full of those mingled feelings of endings and beginnings, nostolgia and brand new experiences. This creates a huge hodge podge of feelings.  I didn’t know how much of child rearing is happiness and sadness all mixed together.  It is surprising that I am not even more embarrassing.